i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
