Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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