Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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