uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
