i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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