Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
