I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize