Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
