She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
