I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just had sex bonerless
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
