This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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