Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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