Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
