my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
