The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
