whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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