Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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