Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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