Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
