I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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