You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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