My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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