I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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