Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
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