Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
