Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
