a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
