Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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