They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
