dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
