I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
