I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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