I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
