sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
