Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
