dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
