The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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