You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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