Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
