it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I love having hate sex.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
