apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
