I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm like, not good at living.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
