People with herpes should wear stickers.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
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