Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
