I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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