you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
This is classic penis vs brain.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
