He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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