...so i touched it.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
