apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
