you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize