Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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