I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
