I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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