I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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