Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
did i just pee glitter
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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