nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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