you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
