he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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