your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
