I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
