I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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