My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
