every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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