I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I am never drinking with the goths again.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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