At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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