I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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