You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
