Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
