I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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