just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
