I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
